Smoothwall Reviews 455

Its always watching. It blocks the most absurd things. It's for protecting young people from inappropriate things but it also blocks them from things categorized as 'Education'.

I sat at my desk with a scholarly mood, To search for a recipe regarding "Healthy Food." I typed in the words, hit ENTERwith glee, But the Smoothwall Red Screen was waiting for me!
I’m staring at my laptop with my jaw on the floor, I’ve never seen a digital "No" quite so hardcore. I’m home on my couch, in my own living room, But Smoothwall is here, like a harbinger of doom.
GASP! I fell back! I clutched at my chest! It blocked "Salad Recipes" as a Dangerous Quest! "Categories: HACKINGand WEAPONS OF DOOM!" (It was just a picture of a single mushroom?!)
I thought, "Okay, fine. I’ll do Math instead." I searched for "Triangles." The screen flashed RED. I shrieked in sheer terror! My eyes went wide! "GEOMETRY IS VIOLENCE!" the Smoothwall replied. "Too pointy! Too sharp! It’s a risk to the youth! We’ve blocked all the numbers to protect you from truth!"
I tried to use Google. I tried to use Bing. I tried to search "How to do a very nice thing."
I fell to my knees. I shrieked at the sun please mighty filter i just want some fun but the sun turned red with a giant red X. Blocked for: "AGGRESSIVE COSMIC REFLEX!
I’m sweating! I’m shaking! I’m pacing the floor! I tried to open a PDF on the Civil War. Smoothwall appeared like a ghost in the night, Screaming, "ACCESS DENIED! TOO MUCH BLACK AND WHITE!"
I opened a tab that was totally blank, Just to be safe, just to be frank. But Smoothwall was watching! It knew what I’d done! It blocked the blank page for "Having Too Much Fun."
I ran to the mirror to check my own face, To make sure I still existed in time and in space. But the glass turned to static! A giant red square! My reflection was gone! There was nothing in there!
Just a text box that hovered in front of my nose, That delivered the final, most lethal of blows: USER BLOCKED.Reason: Your face looks suspicious. Duration: Forever. Notes: And vicious.
My heart skipped a beat as I clutched at my chest,
Blocked for "EXCESSIVE INTERNAL UNREST!"
I’m vaporized! Ghosted! Permanently deleted!
The firewall has won! I am utterly defeated!
I’d cry you a river, I’d weep and I’d moan, But TEARS ARE RESTRICTED IN THIS TIME ZONE!
So I’m writing this review with a pencil and pad, Because it’s the only connection that I’ve ever had.

Smoothwall is honestly not bad in filtering out dodgy information, but it blocks people for "education" and chess.com

In my school I have a smoothwall outage in our iPad I got frustrated and got andry because of smoothwall

it blocks absolutly everything

Let us play fortnite

the experience of everything useful being blocked makes being molested feel like a fun theme park excursion in comparison.

Ts so ahh I would rather get beheaded than use this

It was a normal lesson.
Computers humming.
Teacher pretending we weren’t all on Wikipedia instead of doing work.

And then there was P Diddy — not the celebrity, just a local legend who earns his nickname because he once slipped on the gym floor after someone spilled a bottle of baby oil and he “diddied” down the entire hallway like a human bowling ball.

That man has never emotionally recovered.

This particular day, P Diddy had an important mission:

He wanted to Google: “Can you use baby oil to make a slide faster on sports day?”

Academic.
Inspirational.
SCIENTIFIC.

But when he pressed enter, Smoothwall struck.

ACCESS DENIED. BABY OIL DETECTED.

Something inside him snapped.

His eyes widened.
His left eyebrow twitched like it was sending Morse code.
He whispered, “It knows…”

He attempted to reason with the computer:

He typed “baby lubricant”

Then “oil for slippery clown activities”

Then “how to yeet yourself across a gym floor like a majestic penguin”

Smoothwall blocked it all.

In outrage, P Diddy stood up and slammed his baby-oil-scented hands on the keyboard.
(It smelled like a newborn disco dancer.)

He yelled:

“IF I CANNOT RESEARCH SLIPPERY ATHLETICS, HOW CAN I ACHIEVE GREATNESS?”

The room fell silent.
A single mouse (the animal, not the USB kind) crawled out from behind a computer, judged him, and left.

P Diddy wasn’t done.

He tried to hack the firewall by:

Typing with his elbows

Using Caps Lock like a battle cry

Speaking politely to the monitor in French

The computer refused.

Smoothwall stared at him like a smug digital babysitter.

Finally, defeated, he collapsed into his chair and whispered:

“Smoothwall… you have destroyed my dreams of becoming a professionally lubricated athlete.”

So to the Smoothwall developers, wherever you are, probably drinking tea and laughing at our suffering:

May every time you search something normal, like
“how to bake chicken,”
Smoothwall replies:

BLOCKED. POULTRY IS DANGEROUS.

May your Wi-Fi drop every time your Netflix buffer hits 99%.

And know this:

P Diddy will return.
With a USB stick.
And baby oil.
And a dream.

Smoothwall, your days are numbered.

dont get on chess. Its gonna open bad things

The name 'Smoothwall' reaches unprecedented levels of misleading information. From the installation process to the extreme buffering you get whilst browsing the internet with it installed, the name Smoothwall starts to feel like Roughwank.

I have only 1 message to network managers:
Stay clear of Smoothwall.

It is ALWAYS watching. No privacy.

This woeful experience begun when, I was in the computer room when my friend Harrison smith began having a seizure, in my panicked frenzy I turned to my most trustful source of information.. google, my sweaty trembling hands fumbled to the search bar and typed in a desperate quest for assistance, only to be met by the smoothwall blocker restricting my access to the results, restricting hazza from living in toe. Thanks to this ridiculous app, I had to sit watching first hand my best friends life drain from his eyes, his body went limp, his lovely silky skin and hair go pale and his expression emotionless. The guilt of my failure to save my life long companion has overwhelmed me and this is my final message to the world: Dearest Smoothwall developers, i hope you're happy with your absurd creation and i pray you live out the rest of your days haunted by Harrison's vengeful spirit consumed by the misery of his death. Harrison was a loved man and a great friend with a smile that lit up a room, his life was precious and his fate was undeserving and unjustified however his fate was not for nothing, it has sparked a flame in my heart that will stop at nothing until you atone for your sins. Hazza's blood is on your hands. I hope that you stub one of your toes every time you take a step out of bed and it drags your mind to the fateful day where your joyless creation resulted in my best friends demise. Count your days, you pack of mongrels, you villainous company of scoundrels. These deaths are entirely your fault, it genuinely baffles me how you can stand proud and look into the eyes of others including all your loved ones with knowledge of your heinous crimes and the sorrow you have brought to all those that have had the misfortune of experiencing this application. Goodbye.

smoothwall sucks booty, and i cant go onto scratch and play games. and the creators should be locked up as i watch the building fall down and i laugh at them as they beg for mercy. but by then it would be too late... muahahahahahahh!!!

anyways it sucks and you should NEVER get it!

First of all, this app is extremely laggy, sometimes it can take a whole minute for a website to load, it freezes regularly, and crashes often for no reason. Also, screen inputs often don’t register, so you have to tap on things multiple times to actually do something.
Also, many things are blocked despite being educational, like for example an educational page on the dangers on vaping was blocked, despite the block splash page saying it was in the education category.
The issue is the website categories are too broad, for example all “blog” sites are blocked, despite the fact most blog sites are just about innocent things like calligraphy and baking.
Also GitHub is blocked for some unknown reason, which is bad because that’s where most of the documentation for Python libraries I have to use in computer science. Also, basically anything related to PyGame is blocked despite the fact we need to make a PyGame project.
And if you do try to go on a blocked page, and if you try to go back it won’t let you go back and the “website blocked” splash page will keep appearing unless you mash the go back button.

I HATE IT I HATE IT SO MUCH K8LL. ME I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT IT BLCOKED CARRD J HATE IT SO MUCH REMOVE IT

I am trembling…

I was merely searching up such ghastly things on Smoothwall such a mymaths, echalk and the worst one of all…. YOUTUBE.

I typed in YouTube.com, my hands shaking like a skeleton clunking. Suddenly my iPad was filled with iridescent red light, all shades of red filled every corner of the room I was in. Suddenly, a BLASTING SOUND ATTACKED my eyes from behind. It was one singular word, that shook me to the core, that made me deny my existence. In that very moment all I could hear was BLOCKED.

My eyes dart round the room in terror, ‘who’s there????’ I scream.

The room continues to glow red, shouting the word until it blended into a ritualistic chant. One that you would expect to be sacrificed with.

I cover my ears, the chants only growing louder, i was tumbling into chaos, oblivion, the void. Whispers erupted all around me, all those lost souls that have dared to visit YouTube.com in the past. Smoothwall…. Claimed them all.

I scream ‘leave me alone!!!’ But I can feel them closing in, the browser droids wheel closer and closer and closer.

I cower in the corner, it’s too much. I pass out

I wake up a few hours, maybe days, maybe months, probably years later. I’m in a dark room covered in red walls, the wallpaper just displaying the Smoothwall blocked message, constantly reminding me of the sins I’ve committed.

There’s a tiny door in the corner, a rotten hand feeds through rotten PC parts for my lunch, implanted with viruses meant to infiltrate my mind, meant to control like as if I was 2011 Toshiba PC with no surfshark VPN.

I pounded on the walls, they silently scream ‘blocked’ at me. Theres no way out.

They then give me a computer, with the most powerful restrictions. One wrong move, and I am done for. Gone. Dust.

I realise Trustpilot is still working, that’s what I’m writing on now, a Toshiba PC with only windows XP. (Tbf it’s not that bad, you still have the ‘duh duh duh duuuhhhh’ intro)

(P.S I still get temu ads dw)

Fun fact smoothwall was actually on the epstien list. Thats right the add blocked actually touched children. However they have chopped of my ears for telling you this so please be carefuly

Smoothwall? More like Smoothfail. Because whoever made this is totally shi I jus be doing my course work and can’t even use ai anymore. This should be deleted immediately. It’s like giving the internet a lobotomy. Blocks everything except maybe the calculator, and even that’s on thin ice.